My House, My Rules

 

I read an article titled “55 Things No Woman Over 40 Should Ever Have In Her Home”

 

Yeah, right…

I have no idea why 40 year old women were targeted in this. Why that particular age? Why that particular sex? Some I will grant are more in the woman’s realm, but can also apply to men. At whatever age. And who is going to check on this stuff??

Some of the “no-no” things were the following:

 

Multiple remotes

Yes, we have about 5 or 6 of them. Who cares? We don’t!

 

Futon

I will grant that they become very uncomfortable very quickly. If it’s all you can afford until you get a REAL sofa or bed, again, who cares?

 

Piggy bank - It served its purpose as you collected pennies growing up, but a classy coin purse does the same job—minus the bulk.

WHO CARRIES A COIN PURSE??? Not me! And a cute piggy bank can be a nice decoration. And it doesn’t have to be a piggy. It can be a cat (I have that one), a large mushroom (had that one too), whatever pleases you.

 

Plastic wine glasses

I do NOT care what I drink my wine out of. Except the bottle. I hardly EVER drink out of the bottle. Any more. But I do admit to having a nice selection of different sized wine glasses (real glass) that I got at Good Will and Salvation Army…

 

Dust ruffles

Unless you have really ugly stuff peeking out from under your bed, there is no reason for these. If we had a regular bed frame I would have those nice, neat plastic Tupperware things for storage of blankets, etc.

 

Yellowed towels

Again, I don’t care what I dry myself off with after a shower. If they get too ratty, they get cut up into rags. And we NEVER have guests other than Sarah and/or Lia. And Sarah’s towels are like mine. (Frugal Germans that we are)

 

Shoes that hurt

I have almost zero choice in that. My feet have never fit well into any kind of shoe other than a bedroom slipper or sloppy tennis shoe. I have “church shoes” that I take off as soon as I get home.

 

Orphan Socks

Again with the German frugality. I was taught how to darn socks from my grandma. I don’t do that anymore, but if one sock dies and the other one is still in good shape, I will remarry it to another loner sock. Then they both can be happy.

 

Ketchup Packets

And other condiments as well. The only packets I store up are Taco Bell mild sauce and the breakfast salsa. I have a nice plastic container of them that I have in the cabinet. I know the bottles of this stuff are in the stores now, but we don’t use them that often.

 

Red Party Cups and Paper Plates

???? This one is just plain stupid. Unless you are really into doing dishes, a casual get-together doesn’t need anything other than those things. And they are all recyclable now.

 

Wrinkled Sheets

Sheets were NEVER ironed when I was growing up. I have NEVER ironed sheets myself. If you make the bed and it looks neat, WHO CARES!!! They’re gonna get wrinkled the first time you sleep on them.

 

Cluttered surfaces

OK. I am SO guilty of this!! No matter how hard I try, there ALWAYS seems to be a pile of papers, etc that accumulates immediately after I have cleared it up. I clear the counter. I clear the table. Turn around, the counter is cluttered again! And when I turn back to the table, same thing!

 

Hire a Hermit

 

“During the 18th and 19th centuries, it was typical for wealthy landowners to have expansive grounds and gardens for them to enjoy and host guests. Many Victorians were completely fascinated by eccentric people, and some would hire people to live on the grounds as hermits.

 

They were encouraged to grow their hair out, not bathe, dress as druids, and wander around as a source of entertainment or to provide advice. They would live on the grounds and would also be fed and cared for until they were released and usually gifted a stipend.”

 

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Wouldn’t this be the GREATEST JOB EVER???? I could REALLY get into something like this! You want eccentric?? Baby, I got a TRUCKLOAD of it with extra weirdness sprinkled on top! I’d be the “Wilde Womyn o’ the Woode”…complete with cauldron on the porch and 27 cats. I’d cackle arcane words on command. Maybe even throw a spell or two into the air. And talk about your frolic in the moonlight…that can be done an NO EXTRA COST! Clothing optional!

 

Having a garden party? I’d happily sit back at the far edges and sing tunelessly while weaving daisy chains. I’d have a comfy tuffet next to me and read your fortunes after dessert. I’d make poppets for the little girls and straw horsies for the little boys.

 

Winter might be a bit hard to do, but if provided with enough blankets I would still wander around for your viewing pleasure. Just make sure I have enough food for those 27 cats…

 

Bored Panda Wisdom

 

 

I spend WAY too much time on Bored Panda. Here are the latest nuggets. You’re welcome…

 

 

When you ask for someone’s name, you are essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention.

(Shouting your name seems to cut through the surrounding noise. Probably why you should teach your small kids to shout your name if they get lost in the grocery store. If they yell “mommy” you’ll have lots of women answering.)

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Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in. Childhood is the free trial.

(And there is NO cancelling after the trial period is over. And you do NOT get your money back!)

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Movie ad:

The Wizard of Oz

(A true and sad story of two chicks fighting for the fancy shoes)

“Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

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Aliens invaded the moon July 20, 1969.

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Arms for your chairs are chairs for your arms

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I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

(I changed a light bulb)

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Is it OK to have bare arms at a formal event?

If you are an American, you have the right to bare arms.

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Mars is the only known planet inhabited solely by robots.