Thursday, March 23, 2017

A Look Inside

This is a poem from many years ago, long before I was on meds. I wrote a lot of very dark stuff during those years, and was quite prolific. Interestingly, once my mind was on a more even keel, the writing tapered off. And I’m fine with that.


The rain and wind
only make my feet cold.
What is it
that turns my heart
to ice?
I’m a lost soul.
Who will find me?
Are you lost too?

It’s only a mirror.
I’m surrounded
by panes of cold glass.

Some one!
Break them!
My spirit is gone.
Only an empty shell
is left behind.

Some day, someone may find it
and say,

“This must have been a person, once.”

Thursday, March 16, 2017

A Painful Trip Down Memory Lane

We’ve all indulged in a bit of nostalgia when we’ve seen those posts on Facebook pertaining to TV shows from our youth, or pictures of things that are no longer made or used. And it can be fun. There might be a twinge or two remembering these things and realizing just how fast time has gone by, but it’s usually a pleasant memory.

Sometimes there is also pain along that memory path.

It’s going on 3 years now that Marv’s mom passed away at the age of 93. She was absolutely the best! Going through her things afterward was painful, but not too bad. She had a full life, she was confident that she was going to meet her Lord, and she left a lot of wonderful memories for the rest of us. Her craft stuff, however, got stuck in the abyss I call my craft room. I couldn’t go through that right away. Mom was an ardent crafter. Always busy with 2 or 3 projects at any given time. The picture above was taken at Christmas 2012, and Mom had crocheted hats for me, Lia and Sarah. We’re sitting on the couch with Mom, wearing them. In the upper left, you can see a bit of the Christmas wall hanging she made many years ago.

I have finally started tackling the above mentioned abyss and getting it to the point where I can actually use it. Today I came across the bags with Mom’s craft stuff…here’s what I found…

More pony beads than a normal human should have. She made LOTS of stuff with them, and there are plenty left over for me to share with Sarah and Lia.
Pins made with something like clay or fimo, but it doesn’t have to be baked. Don’t know what it’s called.
Christmas ornaments she’d made.
Potato beads!!! OMG, she made a TON of these when they were making potato bead necklaces to sell at the Christmas bazaar. We ALL got necklaces that Christmas!
Some costume jewelry that I remember her wearing all the time. She always was dressed nicely like she was going out to dinner. Always.
Her paint brushes, markers, crochet hooks.

As I came across these things, I could see her using all these tools, making all these projects. And the feeling of loss was fresh. But after the tears were dried, I felt like I’d just had a little visit with her. And it was nice. And I remember this:

“But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Amen. Come Lord Jesus!

Thursday, March 9, 2017

They Still Fit!!

And no, I’m not talking about my earrings from high school. Although they DO still fit. As do my flip-flops…but I digress…

No, I made an interesting discovery recently. No matter WHAT my weight is, has been, or will be…when it comes to clothes…


I can grab those suckers at any time, pull ‘em on with a snort, and they fit like they were made for me! They seem to go with any outfit I have on at the time, too. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m wearing them until they poke out a bit around the edges. And while they are miraculously easy to don, they can be terrifically difficult to take off. Sometimes it’s like they are glued to my body. It requires great effort to remove them, and can even be painful.

Sometimes I don’t WANT to take off my cranky pants. I want to wear them all day and even go to bed in them! There have even been times when I wake up wearing them. (That’s a good day to stay away from me, BTW.)

But the time usually comes when I have no choice but to take ‘em off and deal with things like an adult. And adulting can be hard. I prefer to be un-adulterated…
Once the cranky pants are off, I do usually feel better. Especially when I haven’t noticed I was wearing them until they are off. I seem to breathe a little easier, too.

Even though the cranky pants seem to end up in my closet again, ready to bring out at a moment’s notice, I try to keep them shoved in the back.

So skip the cranky pants…instead, put on the happy slacks. Everyone will feel better.