A Subject I know Nothing About

I don’t care about cars. Make, model, color, whatever. For a long time I didn’t even know the difference between make and model. A Chevy was a Chevy. A Malibu was a Malibu. Two different cars. I just want to get from Point A to Point B in relative comfort and safety. And we’ve never had a new car, we always get them used.  A/C is a must. Automatic transmission is a must. Everything else is optional. For years I drove my dad’s old station wagon (don’t ask me what kind) and it didn’t have a working radio. It did have A/C, but it would leak icy cold water on your foot every time you went around a corner. I learned to take corners with my foot off the pedal and out of the way.

That being said, there are some cars that appeal to me visually. And if someone were to gift me with one of these cars, I would accept and say thank you very much. So far, that has not happened….

There is the cutest little blue and white car that I see around town that Marv said was a Metropolitan. Tiny little thing. LOVE THAT CAR! I know nothing about it except that it is cute and adorable and I want one. But only if I could put a huge key on the top, like one for a wind-up toy. And I’d want it to spin around in the wind while driving it. And it would have to be magnetic so I could lock it inside the car when it was parked. And of course I would call it “My Toy” but would not pay good money for a stupid vanity plate that would most likely be stolen immediately.

I think Cubes are adorable too. I like the lines of them. Kind of like if all the sharp corners had melted a bit. If I had one, I’d call it “Cube-Bert” but it would be spelled like the video game of the 80s: Q*bert. I LOVED that game….

Smart cars are beyond cute. You just want to take them home and hang them on your Christmas tree. From the very beginning, I thought they looked like huge tennis shoes. Kind of like the ones worn by Jeremy Duncan in the comic strip “Zits”. Just one big shoe. Somehow put laces on the hood. I’d probably call it “Nike” or something like that.

That’s another thing. We name our cars. The old Ford Galaxy that my parents gave us when the kids were little was enormous, kind of off-white, and we called it either “The Beast” or “Titanic” depending on our mood. Then there was “The Brown Bomber” a truly ugly Crown Victoria that had the bad habit of stopping on you unexpectedly and not wanting to start again. Usually in the middle of traffic, or middle of nowhere, neither of which is good. The current car I drive is a Prizm that I call “Winky the Wonder Car” or just “Winky” for short. It got that name because it can get into the smallest parking space from just about any direction. We recently got a white Yaris to replace the truck. I wanted to call it “Casper” but Marv wants to call it something else. So right now it remains nameless. Maybe just pronounce the name like a pirate would: “Yarrrrris!” Maybe get a stuffed parrot and attach it somehow, or fly a Jolly Roger.