Feeling Blue? Here’s What To Do!

 

In 1587 this was the advice for the cure of melancholy. Again, I had to modernize the language and look up a few obscure words.

 

Apparently the spleen can cause melancholy. The organ is basically a blood filter and if it’s not working right, you get kinda cranky or sad. A cranky spleen can be the result of various negative moods: anger, care, sorrow, fear, dread, loneliness and lack of meat and drink. I know I get REALLY cranky when I’m hungry…

 

The best way to beat this is to be around honest and merry company. Be jocund (which means light-hearted), don’t overthink things, don’t study supernatural things or stuff you don’t understand (like algebra or geometry). Don’t lean down to read or write. Beware of naps in the afternoon!! Can’t stress this one enough!

 

Avoid melancholy meats (?) and hard cheese. The best definition of melancholy meat I can find seems to mean something that’s hard to digest. Kinda like how I imagine that blobfish would be. Sad to look at, hard to digest.

 

And if all of the above fails: Dry the lungs of a fox, make a powder of them and eat it with figs. I think I’d rather be melancholy…

 

Muffin Man!!!

 

Today we have a guest blogger who goes by the name “Muffin Man.” MM has a unique take on things…hope you enjoy…

 

What makes someone a hero?

To be a hero, you need a cape, glittery spandex, and a mask that doesn’t even cover half of your face. Frankly, I don’t believe that anyone can really describe what a hero is. A hero can be someone who adopts a stray dog or someone who volunteers at a homeless shelter. A hero, in any context, can be described in so many different ways. 

 

What are you freakishly bad at?

I’m terrible at spelling. I rely on autocorrect but, sometimes, even our beloved modern technology can’t correct my “nessescisarcily” to “necessarily.”

 

If you could create your own job title, what would it be?

I would be a lint inspector for rich fool’s pockets.

 

What would be the best thing you could reasonably expect to find in a cave?

A corpse.

 

What would be the most unsettling thing to keep occasionally finding around your house?

People. I don’t want neighbors. They freak me out.

 

What really gets on your nerves?

I hate it when my P.E coach exists.

 

If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your new name and where would you go?

My new name would be Dank Meme McCarthy because no one in their right mind would choose such a dumb name…except for yours truly. I would love to go to Ding Dong, Texas. Why? Well, the name is self explanatory. 

 “Hello yes I have eyes on Dank Meme.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Uh, well, okay. Where is the location?”

“Ding Dong.”

“….I’m quitting my job.”

 

Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

Well, is stew a cereal?

 

What kind of secret society would you like to start?

One without people. 

 

 

Dying Your Hair In 1650

 

There is a great website called Ask The Past with all sorts of advice from old books. Some of it is pretty funny. Some of it is horrifying. A tremendous amount of research has gone into all these articles by the woman who compiles it. Check it out. Here’s one of the articles. I had to look up some of the words so you wouldn’t have to. You’re welcome. I’m also putting some of it in more modern language. Have no idea about copyright on this kind of thing. I’m not using the original picture either. I found one that will fit.

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To dye your hair black, take 20 or 30 horse-leeches, as many as you can get. Steep them in a stoppered bottle with a half pint or more of course red wine for two months. Then apply and comb through your hair often while sitting in the sun. The hair will soon become brown if not quite black.

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Haemopis sanguisuga (horse leech) is a truly disgusting critter. They can get up to 6 inches in length.

Now imagine a handful of 20 or 30 of them. *shudder*

Imagine what the stuff smells like. *shudder*

Imagine combing this through your hair on a regular basis. *barf*

 

All in the name of beauty…