They Meant Well

When I was 4 years old I went to a nursery school. I’d be taken there in the morning, would have lunch there, take a nap and would be picked up when my mom finished work. It was my first experience as to what Hell might be like.

Even as early as that, I felt “different” and separate from other kids. I remember playing with some of them, but mostly I was by myself. There were 3 sisters who decided I would be their personal plaything to torment. I know now that this was a nursery school that parents would pay a fee for their child to be there. The sisters were charity cases and were treated very poorly by the staff. The “paying” kids had hooks with their name on them to hang their coats on. If one of the sisters hung their coat on a hook, it was thrown on the floor and that girl was yelled at. This doesn’t excuse the behavior of the girls to me, but just wanted to let you know this.

They didn’t bother me all the time, just whenever the fancy took them. I never said anything to my parents about these girls. I was very docile and would do whatever they told me to do. I remember arguing with my mom about having to go to nursery school every day. I suggested going every other day, but she said no. I didn’t know that they were paying a set fee for me to go.

I don’t remember very much about all the interactions with these sisters, but one incident stands out. One of the sisters lured me over to the sandbox where she was sitting. She was SO NICE to me for a change. It was amazing. She was SO SWEET to me. She had me lay down on the side of the sandbox and put my head in her lap. It was wonderful to be treated so nicely.

Then she shoved a stick in my ear.

I was crying hysterically and bleeding all over the place. There were a few kids nearby who yelled at the sister, but nothing happened. I was just standing there crying and bleeding. At some point an adult took over and I don’t remember anything more of the incident. I don’t know if I went back to the nursery school. I don’t remember going to a doctor. I do remember my mom holding a clock up to my ear to see if I could hear the ticking.

I was probably in my 30s when a chance remark from my dad stunned me. I was absolutely shocked to find out that the whole nursery school thing was meant to be a TREAT for me! Something nice! The neighborhood we lived in didn’t have any kids for me to play with and my parents felt sorry for me! The money for nursery school was a financial sacrifice for them.

I had never felt lonely before. I had always been happy by myself. I was just fine alone. There was no point in telling my parents how upset I was by this knowledge. They meant well.