Muffin Man – Feb 2024

MM didn’t say much this time, so I thought I’d add some pics to go with it…

 

 

Biggest fear 

Eggs. What if something hatches out of an ordinary looking egg? What if the mysterious egg creature imprints on me and I’m forced to raise it as my own? 

 

 

Short or long hair 

Bald.

 

 

Favorite planet 

The sun (please don’t explode, we love you so much, @thesun) 

 

 

Who do you want to meet most in the world 

I wish I could meet Dwayne the Rock Johnson so I could throw a cheese slice on his bald head and run away. (I couldn’t find a pic for this to save my life, so I drew this one…)

 

 

If you had a catch phrase, what would it be 

* insert microwave noises*

 

 

Favorite piece of furniture 

Rugs 

 

 

Do you need total darkness to fall asleep 

I need total darkness in order to fall asleep or else I’ll see the little leprechaun men that skitter in my desk drawers. They organize my pencils for me but they’ll cause mayhem if they’re seen.

 

 

New Year’s Visit From The Muffin!

 

It’s been quite a while since The Muffin Man dropped by for a visit, but popped in to greet 2024 with me…

 

What brings you joy 

My lawyer suggests that I should not answer this question.

 

What kind of noises bother you 

Children screaming in restaurants, children screaming in general, children overall.

 

How do you feel today 

I feel the sensation of a bubbly explosion in the center of my gastral intestines, ready to erupt at any moment. My stomach twists and turns as if a whirling tornado thrashs against the walls of my organs within. I beg for any sort of release, pleading to God for healing and comfort. Luckily, there’s Pepto-Bismol. For quick stomach relief, try Pepto-Bismol today! Call 1-800-555-2534 for a free consolation. Yes, I said consolation. Don’t consult us on anything. We’re not qualified. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, gonorrhea, hair loss, loss of fingers, depression, suicide ideation, anxiety, divorce, death, and hallucinations.     

 

What was your first love (doesn’t have to be about a person) 

When I first saw the ratatouille dish featured in the animated Disney film “Ratatouille,” I was astounded. I could feel the drool dripping from my open mouth as I watched Remy the rat throw perfectly diced slices of what I thought to be peperoni into a pan. I watched the rich sauce drizzle down the sides of the cooked ratatouille in awe. However, when I learned that ratatouille was a dish entirely made of sliced vegetables, I lost my first love. The wondrous sense of mystery that drew me to the dish was destroyed by the crushing reality of what truly made up the ingredients. We broke up.

 

What was it like the first time you were on a plane 

Frankly, it was insanely awkward due to the amount of people bustling all around me. 2/10 – would not recommend.

 

If you had an imaginary friend, what would he/she be like 

I need an imaginary Gordon Ramsey to shout at me in a British accent when I’m not being productive.

 

If you could travel anywhere at this moment, where would you go 

If I could travel anywhere, assuming that I could teleport, I would mysteriously appear in a locked glass case inside a museum simply for giggles since no one would have an explanation for my sudden appearance. I would claim that I had been trapped there for eons and I would enjoy the complimentary grippy-socks that the mental ward would provide after I am sent there.