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It’s getting to be that time of year when you might want to end your day with a nice soothing cup of tea. Add a little lemon, sugar, cream, whiskey…whatever…
Here’s a few guidelines to follow…
1--Bargain with the local witch for her best copper kettle.
2--Be vigilant.
3--Take her second offer. There will NOT be a third.
4--Take the long road home, because there is no other road to take.
5--Pray you make it back safely.
6--Cross your threshold.
7--Cross your heart, hope to die. It is the humane alternative.
8--Shoo the goblin from the kitchen.
9--Open the taps.
10--Wait for the water to run clear. Try not to think about blood and sin.
11--Fill the kettle.
12--Ponder the meaning of ‘full’.
13--Close the taps. Offer thanks.
14--Ponder the meaning of ‘sacrifice’.
15--Light the stove.
16--Be prepared to sweet-talk the flames into existence. Fire is a fickle thing.
17--Set the kettle on the hob.
18--Boil the water until it screams. It will feel cruel. That’s because it is.
19--Unearth the bronze chalice buried in your garden among tangles of hellebore and rue.
20--Lose yourself on the way back.
21--Find yourself in the light.
22--Choose your tea. Chamomile for calm. Green tea for clarity. Deadly nightshade to purge yourself of your wrongs.
23--Steep for five minutes.
24--Flavor your brew. Honey and lemon for sweetness. Ginger and mint to soothe. Arsenic for revenge.
25--Sip your tea quietly. Keep your eyes closed. It is rude to peek.
26--Allow them to enter, to pervade, to absorb.
27--Allow them to guide you, but be wary.
28--They live in you now.
29--Treat yourself to a piece of cake with your tea. You deserve it.
30--You deserve this.
More guides
*How to feel again
*Nine things about being brought back from the dead
Disclaimer:
This guide is primarily for those of the British ilk. For Americans, just fill your mug with water. Stick a tea bag in it and microwave for 2 minutes.
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