I GET IT

I have no idea who wrote this, nor do I remember where I first saw this, but this is GENIUS writing!!! I wish I could write like this! (It’s also funny as all get out…)

 

I get it

You think you're gonna quit your job

Throw on a backpack

Hitchhike to Colorado

Meet some girl who knows the breeds of rocks

Play the spoons in a street music ensemble with her and her old man and her twin flame and a fella name of "Custard Bob" they met outside of Durango during the eclipse

Listen to Custard Bob talk for hours about a friend’s uncle who works for the FBI and gave him a document about chem trails

Follow Bob down the rabbit hole

Come to your senses 2 weeks later standing in a field strapped to a cardboard "bomb" filled with pork n beans and a note taped to it says “ARREST TONY HAWK"

Find out you're in Utah

Find out they robbed you

Find out you have a pitbull now

Go live in a cave in Moab with a dude who stopped using money 15yrs ago

Kiss every single rock climber in Moab at the same party

Steal toilet paper from McDonald's

Charge your phone at McDonald's

Eat 3 meals for $8 at McDonald's

Be asked to leave McDonald's ‘cause whatever Custard Bob got you strung out on gave you the "hippy screams"

Learn how to hop freight in Salt Lake from a genderless dirty kid named Latté

Ride in a boxcar full of air fryers all the way to Portland

Get hooked on what Latté calls "Kansas City Dancing Shoes" someplace east of San Jose

Roll your ankle hoping off the moving train

Watch Latté land it flawlessly then steal your boots

Limp 12 miles to the nearest Walmart

Fly a cardboard sign that says "Bad Advice $1"

Split a kicked down rotisserie chicken with your new pitbull

Hang out at Trader Joe's hoping a woman with a cart full of vegan snacks will see the dog and let you sleep on her couch if you pretend to care about astrology

Wake up to her kicking you out for "inviting Capricorn energy into her home" but really its cause you slept with her roommate

I say do it

You have nothing to lose but your stuff and your teeth most likely

Go. Be. Free.