Teardrops In The Dark

Take a little drive with me, down a rural road. It’s night, and the only lights are the headlights of the car. It’s warm enough to drive with all the windows down. You can smell the fields and orchards. Passing a farm house you might even get a whiff of cow. The smells of the earth. The sounds of insects and frogs. Winding around the back roads there might be a house or two that still have some lights on. What’s going on in that house? Or that one? Are the people happy? Are they watching TV or reading? Do they have a pet? Are they happy? If I were someone else and I lived there too would I be happy? IS ANYONE HAPPY???

Those were very dark years for me. This was back when I was unable to talk or let anyone know the complete hell that was going on in my mind. Since I’ve already written about this, I don’t need to repeat it. My mother seemed to know I was in distress, but she never asked me about it, and I wouldn’t have been able to say anything anyway. There are a lot of mental gaps in those years, but one thing stands out. Once in a while my mom would suggest going for a drive at night. Just her and me. We lived out by the tank farm and the cemetery so there were plenty of back roads to drive on.

There was no destination, just the drive. I never told my mom how much these drives meant to me, and I was never able to ask her to take me out. She just did this once in a while. I would have given a good part of my soul back then to just keep on driving. Didn’t care where. All I knew was that at some point, the drive would end. We’d be back at the house. I’d have to go in and get ready for bed because HELL WOULD RETURN IN THE MORNING. As long as I was in that car I was safe. I didn’t have to think about school, about being around a lot of people, about being alone in my mind where the demons dwelled.

But all rides come to an end eventually. Even now, to bring it all back, all it takes is a short drive from point A to point B in the dark, windows open, the summer night coming into my soul, the sounds and smells of nature soothing me. Telling me everything is going to be all right. It’s OK. I am safe.

The drive is over. No need to run away anymore.

I Love The Idea, But….

Like a new bride (in the olden days) collecting recipes, I tend to collect a LOT of ideas (and recipes too, actually) from TV, the Internet and Facebook. I will bookmark sites, note things in files on the computer and dream of doing/making everything I see.

Oh, look! Another cute backyard fire pit! That would be easy to make!

Wow! How easy to change the whole look of the bedroom with just paint and new bedding!

Yum! That looks really tasty!

They all look and sound great, but we are only given one lifetime and that is just not enough to put checkmarks on all the listed items.

Then there are the bigger things. Such as:

Burning Man.

I have always been intrigued with the IDEA of Burning Man. I love looking at all the pictures each year after the festival has taken place. In my youth, I MIGHT have been able to handle something like this with Marv’s help and a decent set-up for sleeping, but those days are long gone. What appeals to me the most is the tremendous freedom of the atmosphere and the truly amazing art and diversity of the people who attend.

Ice Hotels.

Now, this I KNOW I would never really want to stay in for a night. They are so beautiful, especially at night with all the lights shining through.

But DANG!!! COLD!!! SLEEPING ON ICE!!!

I am content with looking at the pictures and dreaming…

Tiny Houses.

They’re so CUTE!!! And again, in my younger days it might have been viable. Not now. I would never be able to sleep in a loft without having functioning knees. And considering how many times I get up at night to visit the ladies room, I don’t see myself going up and down a ladder that many times. And if you’re able to actually have steps to get into the loft, they are very steep and you are giving up even more space.

And then there are my books, my craft supplies, my cat memorabilia…I’d need at least 3 more tiny houses for that stuff!

Zima.

I REALLY wanted Zima to work out!! It looked so good in the TV ads. So clear and slightly fizzy and refreshing. Especially on ice. And the bottle was cool…

YUK! Bought a 6 pack once and that was it. So when it reappeared recently for a limited time I seriously contemplated getting some and seeing if they had improved it. Thankfully, a friend mentioned that her husband had gotten some. I asked if it had changed and the answer was NO. So I saved a bit of money on that one…

August 2017 Book Report

Busman’s Honeymoon (1937) by Dorothy L. Sayers

I’m a great fan of the Lord Peter Wimsey books and the PBS series. In this book, Peter finally gets Harriet to marry him and they set out on their honeymoon. They bought an old house in the country that the former owner was to have cleared out and prepared for their arrival. When they arrive at the house, they see that nothing had been done and are unable to contact the former owner. They make the best of things for a while…until they discover what happened to the former owner…

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The Bird’s Nest (1954) by Shirley Jackson

I bought this book after seeing the movie “Lizzie” starring Eleanor Parker, and leaned it was based on the book. Elizabeth is a shy, withdrawn woman, prone to headaches and other physical ailments. She begins to receive anonymous threatening letters and her symptoms increase. The family doctor is unable to help her and refers her to a psychiatrist.

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The Cats of Punchbowl Farm (1964) by Monica Edwards

Biographical book about the author’s cats on the farm she and her husband buy in the countryside in the UK. Well written and engaging. Good pictures, too.

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A Not-So-Civil War (2015) by Emily Thomas

Blue Hill Library series. Anne mediates between elderly sisters Nellie and Betty over selling an antique pistol that has been in the family ever since the Civil War. They need the money, but hate the idea of losing a valuable piece of their family history.

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The Ant Men (1955) by Eric North

Reprint of a great pulp sci-fi book from the 50s. This was when people weren’t too intent on having an actual scientific basis for the fantastic things that might take place in the future. It reminded me a little of the H. Rider Haggard books in the way the adventure pulled you into the story. Great read. I could almost see the stop-action movements of the giant ants and praying mantises!

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