Crumbs in the Cleavage (and other ponderables)

I was watching TV and munching on a Walmart brand Sno-ball.* Since it’s summer, I was wearing a tank top. Quite low-cut BTW. I try to eat as neatly as possible, but I still found myself dropping crumbs of cake and coconut into my cleavage. It got me to thinking. Do women who regularly wear low-cut garments find “stowaways” at the end of the day? Munching popcorn in a dark theater…bread sticks in an Italian restaurant…that kind of thing. I remember once watching a movie and the lead actor was doing a line of coke between a stripper’s breasts, but I suspect it was put there on purpose…

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I was looking at the directions on my deodorant the other day. Under ‘directions for use’ it said to apply ONLY to underarms. I hesitate to wonder where else you would apply it. OK, I lied. I can come up with a LOT of different places, but I am a lady** so I will leave that one unspecified…

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I HATE shoe shopping with a passion. Mainly because I have huge feet and can’t find anything cute that actually fits. I’ve written before about how if I find a decent pair of shoes and wear them awhile and they still feel good, I will go back to that store and but another pair exactly like the first ones. I once bought a pair of high heels. I NEVER wear high heels. My feet don’t like them. But these shoes called my NAME!! What was I to do?? I tried them on. After regaining my balance***, I walked a few paces. They felt good! So I bought them. The first time I actually wore them for more than a couple minutes I was ready to cut my feet off! The shoes betrayed me! They hurt! Never again!!

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*Walmart Sno-balls are MUCH better than the ones reintroduced by Hostess. I found the Walmart ones bigger, softer and better tasting. Be warned.

**NO LAUGHTER

***Because I’m so short, the sudden gain in elevation threw me for a moment.