It’s
been quite a while since The Muffin Man dropped by for a visit, but popped in
to greet 2024 with me…
What
brings you joy
My lawyer suggests that I should not
answer this question.
What
kind of noises bother you
Children screaming in restaurants,
children screaming in general, children overall.
How
do you feel today
I feel the sensation of a bubbly explosion
in the center of my gastral intestines, ready to erupt at any moment. My
stomach twists and turns as if a whirling tornado thrashs against the walls of
my organs within. I beg for any sort of release, pleading to God for healing
and comfort. Luckily, there’s Pepto-Bismol. For quick stomach relief, try
Pepto-Bismol today! Call 1-800-555-2534 for a free consolation. Yes, I said
consolation. Don’t consult us on anything. We’re not qualified. Side effects
may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, gonorrhea, hair loss, loss of fingers,
depression, suicide ideation, anxiety, divorce, death, and hallucinations.
What
was your first love (doesn’t have to be about a person)
When I first saw the ratatouille dish
featured in the animated Disney film “Ratatouille,” I was astounded. I could
feel the drool dripping from my open mouth as I watched Remy the rat throw
perfectly diced slices of what I thought to be peperoni into a pan. I watched
the rich sauce drizzle down the sides of the cooked ratatouille in awe.
However, when I learned that ratatouille was a dish entirely made of sliced
vegetables, I lost my first love. The wondrous sense of mystery that drew me to
the dish was destroyed by the crushing reality of what truly made up the
ingredients. We broke up.
What
was it like the first time you were on a plane
Frankly, it was insanely awkward due to
the amount of people bustling all around me. 2/10 – would not recommend.
If
you had an imaginary friend, what would he/she be like
I need an imaginary Gordon Ramsey to shout
at me in a British accent when I’m not being productive.
If
you could travel anywhere at this moment, where would you go
If I could travel anywhere, assuming that
I could teleport, I would mysteriously appear in a locked glass case inside a
museum simply for giggles since no one would have an explanation for my sudden
appearance. I would claim that I had been trapped there for eons and I would
enjoy the complimentary grippy-socks that the mental ward would provide after I
am sent there.
Posts
