Mind Blown

 

This is a long post, but I felt it was pretty important to address all these statements at one time. As usual, I have no idea where I picked them up in my travels across the web…but they really made me think.

 

The fact that you are high functioning doesn't mean that your illness is easier for you to deal with, it means it's easier for OTHERS to deal with. I’ve surprised a lot of people with some of my posts about my life during childhood and young adulthood. It took me many years to be able to talk about it.

 

You do not have to attend every argument you are invited to. I have always disliked confrontations and arguments. I always preferred to remain silent. If it’s an issue I am truly adamant about, like protecting the life of the unborn, I will engage. Otherwise, I will back away. If it makes the other person think they’ve won, so be it.

 

The brain isn't designed to keep us happy. It's designed to keep us alive. I love this one! No one is happy all the time, but they can achieve contentment. Big difference! I try to cling to St. Paul’s statement in Philippians 4:11-13.

 

Your internal monologue isn’t always reliable. Boy howdy on this one! I can have HUGE conversations with myself where I go back and forth in an endless loop and neither side wins! Positive thinking and positive self-talk is a good idea, but you can get caught up in that endless loop.

 

 

No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself. This kind of goes along with the statement above. Not much more to add to that, except that it helps to focus on something other than yourself.

 

You're the only constant you’re going to have in your life. This one I take exception with. I was raised with knowledge that I was NOT alone. I had Jesus Christ with me ALWAYS. He is the perfect constant. Obviously, having consistent love from friends and family is very important, but they can’t be with you 24/7. Jesus can! And is!

 

Be a friend to yourself. You wouldn’t say any of the negative things to your friends that you say to yourself. This one smacked me between the eyes. I have always had the tendency to judge myself harshly. Over and over. Part of it came from things said to me when I was young and in school. And I believed those things and reinforced them in my mind.

 

Progress, not perfection. Yes! I am absolutely NOT perfect. But I have progressed SO much farther than I ever thought I could in my younger days.

 

That my mental illness isn’t my fault, but it is my responsibility. The first part of this statement is true and should be reinforced. Completely. The second part depends on the age of the person and the nature of the mental illness. A child can’t take complete responsibility, but can be taught and encouraged on how to deal with it. Filling someone with antidepressants won’t help if it’s not accompanied by some kind of therapy. And hold that person responsible for their subsequent behavior as much as possible. It’s a tricky illness and everyone is different.

 

You can watch people on their rollercoaster, you don’t have to ride it with them. This SO applies to me! I can get very emotionally involved with someone who is struggling. I know what it is to struggle and if it’s someone I’m close to and love, I’m ready to climb on that rollercoaster myself. Empathy and sympathy is a good thing, but it won’t help someone else if you’re standing there sobbing into the Kleenex yourself.

 

You can’t love others if you can’t love yourself. ABSOLUTE BS!! I know this platitude is 100% false. Yes, you should have a healthy self-esteem, but it’s not a requirement in order to love others. For so many years I hated everything about myself. BUT…I had no problem loving and being fiercely loyal to friends and family. I still can’t say that I love myself, but I can say we’re pretty good friends…

 

Massive Rant!!

 

(Read at your own peril…)

 

With all the hatred and vitriol going around, I thought I’d jump into the cesspool and join in the fun!!! This is all written with my tongue firmly in my cheek…

 

Crocs – I LOVE them!! I think they are just the cutest shoes ever! Unfortunately, my feet are a bit on the misshapen side and I can’t wear them. If I could, I would have them in every color imaginable with all the bling and sparkles I could get my hands on. Love them!!

 

Candy Corn – Absolutely one of my favorite candies. That and the Harvest Mix that comes out in the Fall. Love it! I tried getting some of the CC in bulk at Winco, but it just didn’t have the same taste as the Brach’s brand. Don’t know why it’s only in the stores just before Halloween. I know you can order it online, but with S&H it gets a bit pricey.

 

Black Licorice – Same as the above. LOVE it! The red kind is OK and so is the chocolate kind from Twizzlers, but black is the best. Australian black licorice from Trader Joe’s is awesome. Soft and chewy. Yum!

 

Maroon 5 – I don’t care what kind of smack Greg Gutfeld dishes out…I LOVE MAROON 5!! Adam Levine is a real jerk, yeah, but I love the music.

 

Pineapple On Pizza – You will NEVER change my mind about this! Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza. Pineapple with ham is OK, but I prefer it paired with pepperoni.

 

**Now for a change of view:

Car Races – I have always seen car races as a huge waste of gasoline. You go around and around and around and end up right where you started. Soap box derbies/go-kart races are cool though.

 

Competitive Eating – Things like this make me SO angry!! There is NO point to it!! See how much you can cram into your body without throwing up?? I know it’s not possible to feed everyone who is hungry, but you can sure do a lot toward it by NOT doing this!! The occasional pie eating contest where you see who can eat their pie the fastest without using their arms is OK. But not if you’re trying to see how MANY pies you can eat. Eat to nourish your body, and then share the rest of the food.

 

Bullfighting – I hate this. When I was very young I thought it was an interesting idea, but didn’t know it usually ended with the death of the animal. I thought it was sometime like playing tag, but didn’t know about the piercing of the animal with swords. I’m no vegetarian. I love eating animals (beef, pork, chicken etc etc) but I am for being humane about the raising and the process of preparing the animal.

 

Boxing – Something else I take a dim view of. I’ve seen the movies, and I’m glad Rocky won the fight, but the damage incurred by both fighters is unconscionable. There HAS to be a better way to show strength than to beat the living daylights out of someone. I think fencing is a good sport. Almost like a dance. And the sword tips are covered.

 

So. There’s my opinion on a few things.

 

The Wraith – Bonita

 

 

How I hated this school when I first arrived! Rather ironic, since I later came to be the headmistress…

 

I spent the first years of my life in an orphanage. It was one of the better ones, fortunately, and I have no bad memories of it. I came to the attention of the adults when I showed above average intelligence in playing with the other children. I learned to read at age 4. I showed I could do simple math soon after that. They began to tutor me as best they could with the resources they had. When potential adoptive/foster parents came to visit the orphanage, they would always bring me out hoping to place me with someone who could encourage my mind. There were no takers. I don’t know why.

 

Eventually the orphanage managed to scrape up enough money to enroll me in this school. It was understood that I could remain at the school as long as I showed ability to progress with my studies. If I started to lag, then I was to leave unless more money was provided. I knew this was my only chance. But I hated being there as a “charity” case. The other students let me know what they thought about my second hand uniforms.

 

I quickly excelled in all subjects, which furthered the distance between me and the other students. I finally stopped caring that I was friendless. The teachers were strict, but not cold in demeanor. I later discovered that whenever I needed another uniform, or other items of clothing, there was always something that was available to me. I was told it was second hand, left by departing students, but many of the things seemed brand new. I found it interesting that these “departing students” always wore the same size as me…even shoes.

 

The years went by. The students came and went. I remained. My education continued through the generosity of the teachers and small grants. I eventually passed the exams to become a teacher myself. I now had enough money to pay for my own clothing and personal items. My first trip into town was when I was 20 and ready to start teaching. My only trips there were for necessities. I preferred to stay at the school.

 

More years went by. More students came and went. I still remained. I became headmistress at the age of 40. At age 50 enrollment dropped and parts of the school were closed off. When I was 60 the school was no longer supporting itself and more rooms were closed off. Too many repairs needed and not enough money. I spent my 70^th birthday in my office, looking out the window at the empty grounds. The classrooms were empty. The dorms were empty. I was empty. I had come to love this place. I knew from my last visit with the doctor that my heart was giving out. I stopped taking my medication. I truly don’t know when I died, but I am at peace.

 

I remain.