Bored Panda Wisdom

 

 

I spend WAY too much time on Bored Panda. Here are the latest nuggets. You’re welcome…

 

 

When you ask for someone’s name, you are essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention.

(Shouting your name seems to cut through the surrounding noise. Probably why you should teach your small kids to shout your name if they get lost in the grocery store. If they yell “mommy” you’ll have lots of women answering.)

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Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in. Childhood is the free trial.

(And there is NO cancelling after the trial period is over. And you do NOT get your money back!)

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Movie ad:

The Wizard of Oz

(A true and sad story of two chicks fighting for the fancy shoes)

“Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

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Aliens invaded the moon July 20, 1969.

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Arms for your chairs are chairs for your arms

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I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

(I changed a light bulb)

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Is it OK to have bare arms at a formal event?

If you are an American, you have the right to bare arms.

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Mars is the only known planet inhabited solely by robots.

 

Beatnik Poetry

 

A friend posted an amusing ad from way back about a beatnik kit you could buy. That got me thinking about that era and the slang that came from it. And I’ve always liked beat poetry. So I did some research, pondered a bit, and this is what happened…imagine a soft bongo beat in the background…

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went out on a solo flight – quail hunting at the local gin mill

started eyeballing a doll with big daddy right behind her

she was everything plus – a real shape in a drape

 

asked the juiceman what’s her story

 

focus your audio man, she keeps her claws sharp

she may be jungled up with big daddy

but she knows her groceries

so keep your hands above the Mason-Dixon line

or you’re slated for crashville

noodle it out, dig?

 

started interviewing my brains

decided to cool my jets and fall out

find my galaxy at the red onion down the street

settle down with some large charge and kick sticks

wasn’t ready for no tourniquet and a plucked chicken anyways

 

Good Friday 2024

 

We were bought with a price…we are not our own

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He received 39 stripes because 40 was known to kill a man. They wanted him alive. They held handfuls of his beard, and hair and pulled it out by the roots. They wanted him alive. They kicked, punched, and spit on him for hours. Until there wasn't a single spot on his body not covered in blood. They wanted him alive.

 

They shoved a crown of thorns down on his head so harshly it stuck in his skin. They wanted him alive. After hours of being beaten, mocked, whipped, flogged, and tortured they made him walk with a cross. They made him carry it. A rough piece of wood with splinters digging into fresh wounds. They wanted him alive.

 

They wanted him to feel every ounce of pain they could bring. He had to feel it in order to heal us. Crucifixion was historically one of the cruelest most tortured deaths a human could face. Hours upon hours of torture. Torture most of us can not mentally think of because the cruelty isn't normal. It isn't something our minds can comprehend. We celebrate Easter with pastel colors, happy children hunting eggs, and chocolate. Truth is there was absolutely nothing happy about the day Jesus died. It was cruel, bloody, and nasty.

 

He could have stopped all of it. He could have called every angel in heaven to demolish every person standing and shouting "Crucify Him!" He didn't. He knew in order to have a Sunday you have to have a Friday. He knew in order to have joy you have to carry your cross. He felt everything that day. He felt how your heart broke wide open when you had to watch your baby die. He felt how heavy your life was when you were staring down the barrel of a gun wondering if the man you called husband was going to shoot you. He carried the weight of the burden you have felt since your spouse died and life just doesn't seem right since.

 

On that cross he held the rapist and murderers, the sinner and the saint. He leveled every playing field and said ALL of you are worth it. He knew he had to carry the cross. He never promised the cross you carry in this life would not be heavy. His wasn't. His promise is that Sunday is coming.

 

No matter how heavy Friday is. Financially, emotionally, mentally, or physically. Friday is heavy. That cross is weighing you down and you are about to crumble under its weight. His promise was simply this. He won't make you carry it alone. What kind of king would step down from his throne for this?

 

Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God did. For you.

 

He did every bit of it for you and me. Oh yes it is heavy. So heavy sometimes you do not think you can take one more step. But look up, because Sunday is coming.

 

Author unknown